Kristin Põder - Elu peale alatoitumist -

Kristin Põder - Life after malnutrition

Kristin Põder


I think it's been 6 years now since I completely fell out with my body. Why? I will tell you in more detail right away.

At the age of five, I started with beauty and group gymnastics. In the beginning, little by little and calmly, but over the years this little recreational athlete became a competitive athlete. 6 times a week exercise, whistle and cotton wool. In hindsight, I wonder how I managed. At one point, as is probably the case with many teenage girls, nutrition and the question "Am I thin enough?" came up. Obviously not. It always gets better. I was thinking of losing a few kilos, probably just for fashion. Some girls still had such a plan. Thought, done - weight became my greatest friend or enemy. At first I weighed myself like this once a day, but as time went on, the more I found myself staring at those numbers on the scale. However, it became quite addictive. I would say the only addiction I have had to face. Satisfaction, "Jess, I have achieved something again", a feeling of pleasure and adreka ruled my senses when I found smaller numbers on the scale again. Every 100g was a win. Well, who wouldn't want to win? I weighed myself at least 3 times a day. Absolutely not considering that the body accumulates water and undigested food also weighs its share. The 100g higher weight number also caused me huge disappointment and anxiety. Where did it lead? Constant self-flagellation. My schedule with meal times looked more or less something like this - Breakfast - I often didn't eat anything, at school - I didn't even put my nose in the canteen, Lunch before 2.5 hours of training - Hello, protein pudding and an apple - seemed like the only safe options, training and home to eat dinner. Of course, I ate that as little as possible. I vividly remember how I had the only candy of Kalev's spotted dog distributed over a week, i.e. every day I could allow myself one small bite. 

It's sad, scary, horrifying to think what I did to my body. Probably the only thing I regret immensely in my life. 

Where have I reached now? 

The only thing that motivated me to get well was the desire to have children. Today I am the mother of an adorable 10-month-old son :). In the end, no doctor or therapist helped me. The changes came only when I found a goal for myself and really understood, damn it, it's bad. Gradually, I began to become human again. I remember how good it felt when I laughed at school and the friend sitting in front of me turned her face towards me and said "Kristin is back!". Yes, I don't think I laughed once during that terrible time. At that moment, my life was just the smallest possible weight number and a mirror image distorted to the extreme, which did not allow me to find a single piece of joy in life.

Now, having worked on myself for 6 years, I can say that I am in a much better place - I eat regularly and what I have an appetite for, I am happy on anniversaries, because for me food no longer means a bigger weight number, but a natural part of life and an experience. There are certainly still ups and downs, but drastically smaller ones than before. I'm going there so that I can really say "Goodbye to the eating disorder!". 

Why am I sharing my story?

In today's world, where social media and beauty ideals control our thoughts even subconsciously, it is very easy to lose yourself. Please keep and notice others. There is so much more to life than whip thin legs and waists and prominent shoulder blades. All bodies are different, unique and beautiful just the way they are. Pamper your body and be kind to yourself. Say the exact things to yourself that you would say to your girlfriend. I hope that some sweet soul was motivated to help themselves or others by the thoughts I shared. Remember- Your value lies in something else than your body weight and appearance. 


Me and nick`s 

Nick`si products are my absolute favorites to enjoy as snacks. With the fast pace of life, it's very convenient to always have a few bars in your bag and grab them quickly. I just prefer it Nick`si products to other chocolates, because it is important to me that you treat your body with the highest quality

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